Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Videogames and attention-seeking.

I figured this would be a timely post, since Borderlands 2 was released today (at midnight this morning) and several of my friends were all enthusiastic about it.

My response? Big. Fucking. Deal.

I guess my response now is a little bit bigger than "big deal." It didn't have to be, but because of something a certain someone said to me this morning, I'm all riled up about it.

Actually, two certain someones.

I'm dating a wonderful guy. I think. It's funny to say that I don't know him as well as I'd like to - I mean hell, we live together - but I find that he "hides" certain things from me. And not simple things, like having to fart (and inconspicuously stepping outside), but big ticket items, like feelings, wishes and desires.

And guess what? It hurts.

After all the learning I've done, and all the progress I've made towards being a good communicator, I felt like someone was driving a steel knife through my heart when he said he wasn't comfortable telling me things, because either a) I'm in a bad mood or b) he's worried what he's about to say will put me in a bad mood. I try to be very clear about my wants and desires. I try to communicate as best as I can, and I'm blatantly honest and open. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to open up, and I'll admit I am a very good liar when I want to be one, but I consistently try to be as honest as possible (even blunt) with the people I care about the most. Which is why it's so upsetting to me that the person who should be nearing #1 in my life feels like he can't talk to me. Ouch.

Anyways, that's not really what this is about. I deduced through my superb deduction skills (ha ha) that something was wrong. I had tried asking my lovely bf several days prior what he thought about our relationship and he said that he didn't think about it much and when he did it was alright. But finally, FINALLY last night I talked to him about being nervous/uncomfortable that he wasn't doing anything by himself, things that he enjoys that I probably don't.

Which brings us right down to it. Videogames.

After having dated/lived with/been with a videogamer for about 14 months, I am pretty used to being ignored in favor of games. Which is exactly what my NEW bf was trying not to do. But what he was doing instead was spending nearly every second of his time with me. Which can get old. Really. I know. I don't like being around me all the time either. So I was surprised that my new bf decided to spend so. much. time. with me. Honestly, it was fantastic. And, ideal. And, it had to come to an end. Because how could he possibly be enjoying himself if every second of his time was spend around me?

Believe it or not, despite the fact that I love being around people, I realize that the world does not revolve around me, and that it's silly to expect people to want to be with me constantly. My ex taught me this very well. Too well, maybe, but that's another story. So I'm used to doing stuff on my own. Although I love the attention, it's not necessary and I know it.

So last night we had a very long, seemingly productive talk about balance. I want to spend time with him, obviously, but I don't want him to sacrifice his wants and desires just to keep me happy. Because, believe it or not, the sole purpose of a relationship is not for the man to keep the woman happy (despite your preconceived notions there). And we agreed that it is absolutely fine, and natural to do things separately. Because sometimes our time is just better spent doing what we want. And I'm not going to play videogames with him (most likely), and he's not going to do... hmm. something that I like to do (drawing a blank!) with me!

Obviously, my main goal was to let him know that it's okay that he not sit at my side at all times. (I have a dog that does that already.) I may not proclaim to like my "alone" time, but somehow I always occupy it and it comes out okay.

Which leads me to today. After having figured all this out, I felt better. I felt like I got it out of the way just in time for the release of this "big" (ha ha) game today. That is, until our walk to work this morning (well, my work, the el for him). The conversation went like this:

D: Are you mentally prepared for Borderlands 2?
Me: Um. Why would I need to be mentally prepared for Borderlands 2?
D: Because I'll be playing it when I get home from work today.

Now, after this whole long talk, which I had to initiate, so that he will have free time for himself, does this honestly seem kosher? I mean, should this be a warning to me? Is it going to be, "Hey baby, I spent all my time with you the past three weeks, now I'm going to ignore you for the next three while I beat this game"?! Honestly? Mentally prepared? I HAD TO TELL YOU THAT I DON'T NEED ALL THIS ATTENTION! The real question is, is he mentally prepared to NOT spend his night with me?

I thought that comment was pretty out of line. Maybe he just didn't think it through well enough.

At any rate, I think the most important thing to me is that we go to bed together. That sounds dumb, but it's always been a big deal, for a few reasons:
1. If he comes to bed later than me, he'll wake me up. Chances are, I'll have to get up to pee, and then I'll spend a long time trying to fall back to sleep.
2. I really enjoy the bonding that comes with the act of turning back the covers, climbing in, cuddling up, and falling asleep next to someone. That's something that I want to happen all the time. Every night.
3. (Now, not so much before) He'll keep my dog up if he stays up to game. As in, the dog's crate is about 5 feet from his computer. And I really don't want my dog to have a bad night. The dog didn't do anything wrong.

So, today's the test. We'll see how tonight goes. Honestly, I anticipate him pretty much playing straight through and not going to bed with me. And then the dog will start to cry. Which either means he'll keep the dog up late (which may result in physical pain, and it won't be inflicted on my dog), or come to bed begrudgingly (which is less than ideal, but better than a crying dog). What would be semi-ok is if he plays all the way until bed, and still comes (willingly) to bed with me. What would be lovely is if he played for a few hours (we only have 5-6 between work and bed) and then spent a couple hours with me. Not necessarily 50/50 but you get the idea.

I just hope that this is nothing life ruining. I still don't understand the complete and utter excitement over a game, playing it "all the way through" as fast as you can, and so on. The appeal is completely lost on me.

I just hope this turns out for the best.

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