Lousy with virginity! Won't go to bed til I'm legally wed!"
Ok, well, that little ditty certainly doesn't describe my life...but in case you're wondering, that is from a song I studied way back in high school (when it actually DID come closer at least to describing my life...)
And this reminds me, why did I stop singing?! Well, ok, I never really stopped, but I definitely put voice lessons on the halt (no money) and I didn't take choir at school this past semester (no time). For something that means so much to me, that I even went so far as to tattoo on the back of my neck, I sure am doing a great job at ignoring the role music plays in my life.
Which brings me to the greater point: growing up and giving up. Maybe that's what this blog should actually be titled. I've been thinking lately that the more we grow up, the more we give up things that we have done in our youth. Have you ever had this feeling...?
Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I got into a "fight"--argument, discussion, call it what you will, but emotions went flying (mine) and honest, harsh words were said (his), and what came of this was the following: "All" we do (when we're together) is have fun. He doesn't like that--he doesn't feel productive, he feels like our relationship is just a game, it can even be 'fake' at times. And, to a degree, I would have to agree with him. We do things like watch movies, go to the beach, visit with friends, cook dinner (or on occasion go out to eat), and sometimes we drink. To most people, that probably sounds pretty standard--those are the fun, relaxing things that most of us wish we had more time for. However, his point is that he feels like, since this is "all" we're doing, he feels unproductive, lazy, and like he's wasting both his time and mine. So, the solution (after much, much discussion) was that we simply have to "DO" more together. He mentioned, several times, that we should incorporate art, or art projects, into this, as well as things that would inspire us to learn. I suggested going back to an original plan, to collaborate on a summer reading list so we could discuss.
I'm not sure what drove us to this point, and I certainly would have hoped that we could have sorted this out before it got as ugly as it did, but nonetheless I think he learned quite a bit about me, and I learned a bit about him in this process as well. Hopefully in the future, we can continue to sort these things out before they get to a dangerous level.
But back to my original point--what's wrong with doing the fun things? I understand his point that he wants to learn and be productive, but isn't it ok to have fun sometimes? To go to the beach with your lover? Or to just relax and watch a movie? I think the key here is all about balance--it's about not giving up on things you enjoy doing, even if they don't "get you anywhere" in life (ok, I'm really going to try to stop with the quotes--for whatever reason I always put cliche terminology in quotes, and I realize today I'm doing it more than usual!).
My boyfriend's ultimate goal is to "get better." Most activities he does, whether it's school, working out, etc. are all focused on improving a skill, gaining knowledge, and the like. As a teacher, I can DEFINITELY appreciate this, and wish that more people were as receptive to learning as he is! But that also makes me question, what's wrong with the "stupid" stuff? Or, more eloquently, what's wrong with doing something that has no real value, as long as the time spent is not taking away from another activity that would cause progression? I'm not sure that I'm ready to completely eliminate beach days, or movie nights, from my life. I do believe that I could focus myself a little better, and that my boyfriend and I could do more relevant things when we're together. I have no doubt in my mind that we would likely both be happier, as well. However, I also want to keep beach days, plecostomus kisses, movie nights, home cooked dinners, and the like alive and well. Because after all, if we all grow up and give up on the "childish" things we've come to know and enjoy, where will THAT get us? As a person? As a couple? Even as a community, a nation, and furthermore, a world?
Maybe we all need to redirect ourselves, once in a while. And now is certainly one of those times. However, my fun pastimes are and will continue to be a part of my life, even if the magnitude is not as great as it once was.